I believe this is AP White House correspondent Zeke Miller, but he’s wearing a mask, so I don’t know for sure. For all I know this is what Carrot Top looks like when he’s not on stage.

REPORTER: “Why is the president going to Delaware this weekend?”

PRESS SECRETARY JEN PSAKI: “He is from Delaware and has a home there and is going to spend the weekend with his wife and family there.”

REPORTER: “But guidance from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as you know, in the last briefing just a couple of hours ago … people should avoid travel. Is there an exception to that policy?”

PSAKI: “Well, the key, Zeke, is ensuring that people don’t take steps to make others vulnerable, in our effort to get the pandemic under control. As you know, any president of the United States, Democrat or Republican, obviously takes Air Force One, a private plane, when they travel. Delaware is his home, and so he looks forward to spending the weekend there and some time with his family.”

Frankly, you couldn’t pay me to fly commercial right now. Not inside the plane, anyway. I’d rather cling to the landing gear while balancing my sad bag of nearly serviceable peanuts and complimentary half-can of Coke on my scurfy knee than sit inside a plane these days. But would I take a ride on Air Force One? Of course! It’s a big jet with lots of well-spaced seats, and it’s occupied and crewed by well-trained, responsible people. At least now it is. Two months ago the CDC could have categorized it as a major disease vector, but it’s not flying to Trump superspreader rallies anymore. It’s flying to Delaware. 

I’m sure eventually Joe Biden will do something that at least appears marginally scandal-ish. I doubt he’ll salute anyone with a coffee cup in his hand, but he still has at least 1,444 days to break out the tan suit, and then it’ll all be over. Maybe the press can wait to pounce until something like that happens.

But until that time, maybe Zeke Miller, if that’s his real name, should focus on other things. Like, I don’t know, promoting mask-wearing, social distancing, and vaccinations.

Because that’s what will get us out of this pandemic—not nitpicking Joe Biden’s use of the safest airplane on the planet.

Hey! Ask me anything! Really, you can—in the official Twitter “Ask Me Anything” Pennyfarthing thread. You can ask about my latest book, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump … or my lifelong quest to become a real boy … or my uncanny, almost eerie resemblance to an elderly Jack Klugman. It’s up to you. Go now! Click here!





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