The concept of love languages has been around for almost 20 years, and it has been written about on 8 million blog posts since then. But! We’ve never talked about it on Cup of Jo, and I’m curious to hear about yours. This week, I was talking on the phone to my friend…

And she told me a fascinating story.

The five love languages, if you need a refresher, describe the ways you give and receive love. They include:

words of affirmation
quality time
receiving gifts
acts of service
physical touch

To figure out what your love language is, think about what makes you feel most appreciated — or, on the flip side, what makes you feel unloved if it’s missing. You can also take this online quiz.

Love languages are really helpful for any relationship — significant others, siblings, parents, children, friends, colleagues. And the fascinating thing is that two people in a relationship may have different love languages — so, what makes you feel loved might not be the same as what makes your partner feel loved.

On the phone, my friend told me how she had once picked up her husband’s dry cleaned shirts, brought them home and put hung them on the bedroom door. When he saw them, he turned to her and said, “You love me.”

Another time, she wrote long list of reasons she loved him, from his brilliant mind to his dark wavy hair. “He was sweet but could barely read it,” she laughs now. “It made him feel so awkward. At the time, I thought, ‘What’s wrong with him?’ But now I know, his love language isn’t words of affirmation — it’s acts of service.”

My love language is definitely words of affirmation — I want to be told I’m loved like a thousand times a day, I’m so needy! But I don’t care about gifts or acts of service at all. Alex’s is definitely physical touch and words of affirmation.

What’s your love language? If you’re in a relationship, is it the same as your partner’s?

P.S. My sister’s awesome dating tip, and 14 reader comments on dating.

(Photo of Michelle and Barack Obama.)