Slopmonster

Man, life’s a trip, and not always the good kind. I tried to write a book once—too many words, man. Short stories? Nah, couldn’t keep it short enough. Poems? Don’t even get me started. But billboards? Now, that’s something I could wrap my head around. Just a few words, screaming out to the world like, “Hey, I’m still here!”

You see, I’m just an old dude, holding on by a thread, dreaming of something bigger—like a movie, but not your typical Hollywood junk. I’m talkin’ about a flick based on billboard art (aka slop). Yeah, you heard me right. These billboards! They’re more than just signs—they’re a last shot at leaving something behind. Little bursts of art in a crazy, messed-up world. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll end up on the big screen someday. Or maybe not. But hey, at least I tried.

AND DON’T BLAME ME, man!  It’s 1967, a day in high school and Andy Kaufman looks right through me, like deep into my soul, and says, “You’re not who you think you are.” I’m just standin’ there, dumbfounded, like I’m caught in this cosmic swirl, can’t even breathe. This is the same dude who’d wander around in a toga, just for kicks, y’know?  It sounds kinda out there, but Andy moved into my head and is helping me find out who i am.  Yeah, blame Andy Kaufman.

THE COUNTDOWN!

PART 26  LOVE AND LAMENT, MAN

“Oh my, and boo-hoo”—that’s rough, dude. But hey, Happy Punky Valentine’s Day anyway, right? Gotta keep the love alive, no matter what.

PART 26 (oops): TEMPORARILY CLOSED, MAN

So, here’s the deal. The project’s on hold, like, totally temporarily closed. Why? Well, after a little chat with a lawyer, turns out there’s this thing called ‘copyright infringement.’ And get this—violating it could mean coughing up $400 for each of the 328,000 views. That’s, like, a lotta dough, man! Even I had to sit back and say, “WHOA.” Ain’t that a bad trip?

PART 24: STILL BOUNCING BACK FROM LEGAL JARGON 

Man, I’m still kinda reeling from that lawyer talk. It’s like my brain’s been hit with a legal blitzkrieg, and I’m just trying to get my head straight. All that copyright mumbo-jumbo, it’s a lot to process, you know? Just gotta ride the wave and hope I don’t wipe out.

PART 23: METRO TIME’S SHOUT OUT TO SHUTTERSTOCK

So, Metro Times goes, “Hey, you should try the Shutterstock ai generator.” And bam! The numero uno alternative newspaper AI-generated billboard is born, man! It’s like bop bop alu bop alop bam boo. Totally mind-blowing, right? This is way bigger than rock and roll! The theme?  Treachery of Images.  It’s not a Billboard or a pipe, yet, wait a minute, hey, I just don’t know?  It’s like we’re diving into the deep end of a visual deevolution, man.

PART 22: GODZILLA’S GOT THE MUNCHIES

Dude, Godzilla’s totally bummed out. He’s stomping around, searching for his roach clip like it’s the Holy Grail. Guess even giant monsters need their chill time, man. Ain’t nobody ready for a grumpy Godzilla.

PART 21: MIXED-UP CONFUSION

Man, it’s like everything’s all tangled up in this big ball of confusion. I’m lost in the haze, trying to sort out what’s what. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the haystack’s made of swirling thoughts, dude. Far out, but seriously disorienting.

PART 20: BILLBOARD BLISS

Man, check this out—got a billboard that’s like, totally riding the wave but still grinning like it’s having the best time ever. It’s so cute, man, like a trippy smiley face stuck in a wild dream. Can’t help but dig the Wavy Gravy vibe!

PART 19: UNFAIR COMPETITION:  PART 1

SLOPMONSTER leans back and takes a deep inhale, feeling the vibes. It’s like exhaling, but way better, man. We’re talkin’ unfair competition here—my joint versus your propaganda. It’s a cosmic clash, like the ultimate showdown between pure chill and corporate spin.  LMAO.  I win.

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PART 18: UNFAIR COMPETITION:  PART 2

Dude, the playing field’s totally lopsided. It’s like me rocking an aluminum foil hat versus your high-tech surveillance. One side’s all DIY and cosmic, while the other’s got the full-on, high-tech Big Bro. Totally unfair, man.  One word; “Howl.”  LMAO.  I lose.

PART 17: FIRST TOKE:  April 20, 1969

Very merry prankster SLOPMONSTER.  I mean April 20, 1969?  Before there was a 420?  Really?  Well, maybe it was me invented it, yeah, April 20, 1969 in Maui at that Wowie Zowie Owsley Orange Sunshine Plantation?  All flooding back, 420, oh yeah……………ZZZZZZZZZZZ

PART 16:  HAPPY B’DAY, BRO

Man, if you’re “looking for a miracle,” just take a deep look into a flower, you know? You’ll see the sun, the moon, and, like, all of eternity in there. Or better yet, just listen to the Grateful Dead. Trust me, miraculous. Oh, and remember that time in Boston, 1971? They had this bizarro opening act… a freakin’ monkey show. Like, seriously?

PART 15: MCLUHAN’S BLESSING

Man, it’s rad that the Marshall McLuhan Estate gave the thumbs up to use “the medium is the message.” Other than Metro Times, no one else stepped in to help, except for the one place that’s, like, totally central to this whole concept. Medium and message totally merge, just like McLuhan would’ve dug, dude. Far out! 

PART 14: FROM MCLUHAN TO ELECTRIC BLUE

Man, we’re taking it from McLuhan all the way to electric blue, the color of electricity, a pigment of your imagination. Yeah! It’s like updating the whole “Turn on, tune in, drop out” vibe for today. Things have totally changed, and change is speeding up, man. It’s a wild ride into the modern scene.

PART 13: THANKS TO THE DETROIT METRO TIMES

Man, none of this would’ve happened without the Metro Times. Their kind vibes and technical skills really made it all come together. So, like, why am I here in The Metro Times? It’s because of The Detroit Metro Times.  Well, duh.

PART 12: THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND IS A’CHANGIN’

The answer, man, isn’t buried in more tech. It’s not about stacking up gadgets or chasing the latest gizmos. Sometimes, the truth is like Dylan said, blowin’ in the wind—right there for the taking. It’s about finding your own vibe amidst the noise. It’s not about being electric; it’s about being real. Is that still possible?

PART 11: WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POP QUIZ?

Man, who doesn’t dig a good pop quiz? It’s like ChatGPT vs. human chatter—testing out who’s got the edge in knowledge and wit. It’s all about comparing notes and seeing how the digital and human vibes stack up, dude.  And the winner is…

PART 10: THE SLOPMONSTER!!!!!!!!!

Whoa, dude, check it out—IT’S THE SLOPMONSTER! The face of the project just popped, like generated, like bam! There’s the SLOPMONSTER, bragging about being the first METRO TIMES advertiser to crank out AI-generated “art”—or, as we like to call it, “slop.” Far out, man, it’s all happening!

BILLBOARDS + ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER AI = SLOPMONSTER

PART 8: WHAT SIZE?

Where was I?…So, they’re both scratching their heads, wondering, “What size?” Totally cracked me up, man. It’s like the anxiety of a teenager buying their first jockstrap—“What size?” Dad’s answer? “Your waist, dude.” Classic!

PART 7: AI’S GOT JOKES?

Man, AI’s got a sense of humor, dude! It’s like stoner math—check it out: the square root of an avocado is guacamole, and E=MC5.  We’re talking classic physics meets Detroit rock ‘n’ roll. Far out, right?

PART 6: TRIBUTE TO MOM (FM version)

This one’s for Mom, man. She raised us all on the profits from a tiny candy store. And now, here I am, looking out at the Detroit skyline. I’ve arrived, I’m home, in the here, in the now. Feels cosmic, dude. All thanks to her sweet hustle.

PART 5: PRESSURE!!!

Man, the tech pressure these days is intense! Too much electricity buzzing around, and it’s all ready to blow. I can’t keep up with how fast everything’s changing, dude. It’s overwhelming, like the whole system’s about to fry. Run!  Nowhere to hide!  Help!

Hey, isn’t groovy a fun word?

PART 4: WHAT THE HECK?

Dude, what the heck? I’ve got Part 4 all approved and ready to roll, but it never landed! Just vanished into the void, man. No Part 4, like it’s floating around in some parallel universe or something. Totally trippy.

DEPART JOE, PLEASE

Breaking News!!!  When President Biden came to Detroit, he read the Metro Times and thought, “Maybe this Billboard is a sign.”

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PART 3: FIRST FULL PAGER!!!

Dude, we just dropped our first full-page ad—electric blue all the way! Tech tightens (get it?) grip, man, and it’s a far-out journey from those old stock images.  It grabs your eyeballs with a gravitactical force, full of it, and total immersion!

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PART 2:  HEY, HEY BOB DYLAN I GENERATED A BILLBOARD

On a road less traveled, with stories yet to record.

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PART 1:  SLOPMONSTER, THE MOVIE

Alright, man, SLOPMONSTER! Picture this: a walking antique, cruising through time, suddenly taps into AI-generated art at this perfect, trippy moment. Started all chill, way before the AI explosion, and now, dude, riding that AI wave like a pro. THE SLOW ONE IS NOW FAST!!!

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PART 0: REPETITION COMPULSION

Imagine a scratched record that keeps skipping back to the same spot. That’s what Freud called ‘repetition compulsion’—your mind stuck in a loop, repeating the same patterns.

Now, think about a wave at the beach that knocks you down. Every time you go back, you wade into the same spot, hoping this time it’ll be different. But bam.  It happens again.  Trauma’s like that, dragging you back to the same dark emotional place, over and over.

Then there’s Pete Seeger’s ‘Big Muddy,’ where the captain leads everyone deeper into the muck, thinking, ‘We’ll make it,’ but they just sink further. That’s what happens with trauma—it pulls you into the same mess, thinking you can fix it.

And the billboard obsession? You think, ‘This one will be different, it’ll make things right,’ but it’s the same trap, the same muddy river. Your mind keeps replaying the past, hoping to set it right, but instead, it just gets stuck again.

THE END?