Welcome to Ask Eater, a column from Eater Philly where the site’s editor Ernest Owens answers questions from readers on all things Philly food related (hype around certain dishes, dining trends, restaurant etiquette matters, food influencer crazes, service labor problems and more). Have a question for him? Submit your question to [email protected] with the subject line “Ask Eater.”
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Dear Ask Eater,
First off, please don’t judge me.
Dîner en Blanc is weeks away, and I finally got in thanks to a friend who’s a group captain at the event. I’ve never attended, and always wanted to go because I saw a lot of people having fun in all-white. But as the temperatures go up, I’m beginning to get anxious. Do I wanna carry my own damn tables and chairs in the scorching heat? What if it rains? I’m about 90 percent certain I’m ready to pull out, but I don’t want to feel like a crappy friend for dropping out at the last minute.
Should I stay the course and be miserable or break the news to my friend ASAP?
Thanks,
Someone Struggling Not to Be a Trash Friend
Dear Someone Struggling Not to Be a Trash Friend,
First off, I won’t judge — but I do offer cautionary advice.
After previously attending Dîner en Blanc – the all-white al fresco party in which people opt-in to pay money to bring their own food, tables, and chairs to a mystery location – I quickly realized it’s not for me. I went two times (one time it rained, the other time it was sunny) and pretty much felt underwhelmed. But regardless of my personal sentiment, the event has a cult following that will tell you it’s something that many look forward to attending every year.
Maybe it’s the invite-only feel about it? Perhaps it’s the having-fun-with-people-you-don’t-know aspect? Maybe it’s Maybelline? Not quite sure.
What I can say is that nobody wants to be around a party pooper. So if you think you’re not going to have a good time, don’t go. Seriously, some people enjoy the fashionable inconvenience of carrying their own things to parties, rain or hot temperature shine. If you’re not down with hit-or-miss events like these, it’s best to let your friend know immediately so they can try to replace your seat. Even better: Next time, decide before you commit and then have to pull out.
But please note (and respect) that this friend may not pull strings for you for similar events in the future given that there are plenty of people who (oddly, in my opinion) would have liked to be in your position. No pressure.
Ernest
Dear Ask Eater,
I consider myself an easygoing person when eating out. But lately, it seems as though restaurants in the city are either rushing when it comes to serving or just not paying attention to detail. My husband has no problem speaking up and letting someone at the restaurant replace his order, but I’m more hesitant because I don’t want to waste food or make it harder for cooks in the kitchen. I think watching “The Bear” has made me more considerate of the massive stress restaurants have to go through.
But how do I draw the line in a way that doesn’t make my experience lackluster?
Thanks,
A Foodie, Not a Kitchen Nightmare
Dear A Foodie, Not a Kitchen Nightmare,
I can relate to you. Restaurants get enough heat as it is, and it’s admirable that you’re mindful to not excessively pile on service workers. I also grew up in a home that was big on not wasting food, so I hate to see a full plate get taken off a table and disposed of.
But all that being said, you’re a paying customer who deserves a valuable experience.
If you’re not flexible with how certain foods are cooked (i.e. steak temperature), be sure to emphasize those directions very clearly upfront or avoid ordering items like that altogether. If you encounter a dish that accidentally violated your dietary restrictions, don’t feel any guilt in returning it because your health matters. And to possibly reduce bad experiences, read reviews from diners online about the restaurant’s service upfront. If a particular spot has similar complaints, consider wisely whether to go.
Ernest
Dear Ask Eater,
My wife and I do a monthly couple’s dinner with a group of friends who we love dearly. They are great people and have been in our lives for years. To be clear, I’m not knocking anything about their character when I write this – but they are basic eaters. I feel like every time we dine with them, it’s the same type of restaurant. How much steak and pasta can I eat?! When I try to suggest something else, they act like they are either allergic or afraid to try it — who in the hell is allergic to Thai food? The situation has reached an all-time high when I noticed that we’ve eaten at a different steakhouse in the city for three months in a row.
How do I encourage my friends to step their culinary taste game up?
Thanks,
A Man Sick of Eating Steak
Dear A Man Sick of Eating Steak,
This is tough, because people simply like what they like — and that can arguably be viewed as having basic taste to some. But there are two things you can do to respectfully resolve this. First, confront the situation outright. If you all are great friends, it shouldn’t be too hard to find common ground on something more sophisticated within reason. Second, if that doesn’t work, change it from being a dinner to a chill happy hour or brunch situation, where you won’t be as disappointed.
As someone who has a few friends who aren’t as experimental with their dining, I have found a happy hour experience more pleasant with them than having to lower my culinary standards. Dinner is a sacred meal that shouldn’t be insufferable — so don’t make it miserable when it doesn’t have to be. Rule of thumb: When all else fails, drinks or brunch. Brunch is always basic.
Ernest
