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How to Get Sexually Creative, according to 6 Experts
Written by: Kelly Martin
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Published on: July 28, 2022
We asked six sex experts, advocates, and founders one question: How do you get creative, sexually?
We got six different takes. On creativity as the driving force behind good sex, sex as fuel for creativity, mixing it up with a lover, mixing it up alone, sexting, sex toys, and the erotic power of a wandering mind.
Lilly Sparks
founder of the ethical porn platform Afterglow
“It took a divorce to discover my own sexual creativity. I had been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart, I wasn’t orgasming, and I knew sex could be way better than the sex I was having. I had to have a sexual reawakening. Along the way I got inspired by some really cool sex educators. I did my first guided masturbation. It blew my mind how our sexual energy is related to our health and happiness. There’s a connection between sexual satisfaction and speaking our minds, being in touch with our intuition, and engaging with creativity.”
Kiana Lewis
pleasure mentor at the Expansive Group
“There are a lot of large tips I could give, like trying different times of the day or a new position, or why don’t you use this wedge to change the angles between your bodies? But the tiny details make a big difference, too. Let’s say you’re in a routine with a partner and you have a few ways you typically have sex. If you’re usually focused on the physicality of each other’s bodies, do what you normally do—but try to focus more on your own breath. If you’re someone who’s normally pretty quiet, play with what it’s like to moan. If you typically hold relatively still, how can you use your hands to explore someone else’s body? It’s not about faking it or performing for someone else but about doing it to enhance your own pleasure.”
Alicia Sinclair
certified sex educator and
founder of Le Wand
“For me, sexual creativity is really thinking beyond stereotypes. We think vibrator, we think clitoris. We think dildo, we think it goes in a vagina. I want to take a fresh look at things that I may have had more solid boundaries around in the past. So what’s been cool for me is mixing and matching. Vibrators feel good on penises, on perineums, on breasts, and between different types of bodies. And for the longest time, I was a wand person, but lately I’ve picked up our Double Vibe, and you know what? I might be a Double Vibe person now.”
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Penda N’diaye
founder of Pro Hoe
“Pleasure isn’t meant to be tidy, bound, linear, or predictable. It’s messy. So I rely on my own curiosity. I use masturbation as a tool to discover new pleasure points. I’ve incorporated stimulating lubricants to ignite new sensations. And with a partner, I love sexting as foreplay—it’s a sexy way communicate positions, toys, and erotica you want to introduce into your experience.”
Gina Gutierrez
cofounder, president, and chief creative officer of Dipsea
“I recently gave a TED Talk on the relationship between sex and imagination, and in it I talked about how sex is as much about the mind as it is about the body. Inside our minds, we’re free to fantasize about whatever we want to. What we fantasize about and what we want to happen in reality aren’t always the same thing. Busting that myth gives us the permission to exercise a lot more sexual creativity—and with a lot less self-judgment.
“Creativity comes when we have the time to think. Sexual creativity is no different. So instead of doomscrolling the next time you’re bored, try telling yourself a sexy story. You’ll have fun, you’ll learn more about yourself, and I promise that no one around you will be any the wiser…”
Alexandra Fine
sexologist and CEO and cofounder
of Dame Products
“Sex is, in itself, a creative power. When we can enter that erotic state and view the interaction as a creative dance that two people are doing—or even if you’re doing it on your own—fantasy overtakes you. And you let that energy pull your mind into different places. It is truly adult play. Like, I’m going to growl at my partner and pretend to be a cat—which, like, I totally do.”
Related Reading on goop
If accessing presence and play during sex feels challenging, check out advice from two sex therapists on getting out of your head during sex and how to get out of an intimacy rut. We’ve also gathered a small library of books on how to have excellent sex, whatever that means for you. And we believe that whatever sex is on the table can be made better with really good toys. For that: our complete guide to using a vibrator.
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