Almost everything I do in Final Fantasy VII Rebirth involves interacting with or talking to Chadley. I’m not even done with Square Enix’s massive RPG sequel yet, and I’ve had enough. I’m done. Stop this Chadley-stravaganza, I want to get off.
Before playing FF7 Rebirth--Square Enix’s second installment in its (probably too long) remake trilogy—I had some expectations. I figured I’d spend a lot of time killing random monsters in big open fields, I’d probably do some odd sidequests, and there would be some in-universe card or board game I’d have to check out. I’m not a big Final Fantasy person, but I was prepared and excited to play Rebirth after enjoying FF7 Remake so much. Then I ran into Chadley. And at first, I wasn’t too bothered by him.
In Remake, he was a nerdy, genetically altered dork who popped up here and there and let you do some VR stuff. That was fine. Back in Remake, I didn’t mind the lad at all. He was just one more quirky character in a sea of ‘em and offered some useful Summons. I assumed he’d function the same in this new RPG sequel. Oh how naive and wrong I was. In Rebirth, the Chadley valve has been turned all the way to max and then fucking broken off. The result: Chadley might be the most prominent character in this entire game.
FF7 Rebirth’s larger open world is filled with Ubisoft-like checklists to complete. They’re “optional,” but they don’t always feel that way. In these areas, you are tasked with doing various side activities, including climbing towers, killing specific enemies, tracking magic relics, and finding hidden caves filled with special crystals. And every one of these and many other tasks are considered “World Intel” and tied into Chadley’s whole deal.
Perhaps, you read this and think: Well, that sounds annoying, but at least you can avoid Chadley while out doing his tasks. No, friend. That’s incorrect. You see, very early on the little dork presents Cloud and the party with a “CHAD Module.” This is a fancy cellphone that lets him call you all the fucking time. Climb a tower. Chadley’s calling. Find a cool glowing rock? Chadley’s here to spoil your fun. There are ways to mitigate how often you have to hear him speak, but even that doesn’t change the fact that much of what you do in this game outside the main storyline is connected to and done in service of Chadley.
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Who the fuck is Chadley? No really, I mean it, who is this twerp? I had no idea. I never played the original FF7. So I was curious and looked him up online. From what I can tell he’s a totally new character created for the remake trilogy. So, why the Hell is this guy given more screen time and dialogue than almost any other NPC in the game? It just seems odd that the character they decided to put in charge of all the hours of side content in Rebirth is a brand-new face and not someone people like or care about. Hell, why not make these side missions and open-world activities tied into your various party members or characters you meet in each new location? That sounds great!
Imagine an alternate version of Rebirth, where each time you climb a tower Aerith or Barret or whoever would chat you up, helping you learn more about their relationship and making you excited to do more side stuff not just because you’d get a pop of XP and some rewards. But nope. We live in the worst timeline. So instead, it’s just Chadley, baby. Chadley, Chadley, fucking Chadley. Maybe there is a Chadley fan base out there that adores this kid? Or perhaps someone at Square Enix is REALLY into Chadley and invested in making him a thing?
I don’t care. I’m just trying to have some fun in this big, fancy, open-world RPG. I don’t need a nerd and his AI lady friend (who is also annoying and who he treats like crap for some reason) calling me 24/7 as I ride Chocobos, pick up sticks, and fight slime monsters. Leave me be Chadley. Please. Leave us all alone.
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