Employee wants vindication from bully boss

Dear Eric: I worked in an office where I was bullied and harassed by a known predator who targeted me for attacks.

This employer handled the situation like all enablers of abusers: deny, blame, ignore, and marginalize the victim.

I was 59 when this happened and had never faced anything like it.

I found a new job and worked at this company for five years. My boss wrote the last of my always-positive reviews.

At the conclusion of this evaluation, he stated that I’m “not just a great employee, but also a great person” who is always reliable, treats everyone with respect, sets an example of excellence, and who made his job as my supervisor a joy.

I’d like to send a copy of this review to my previous employer where I was bullied to let them know that I was not the problem, they were.

Part of me feels that this would be petty and vindictive. At the same time, I’ve never had any real sense of closure from this experience. I’d like to let them know that this disposable human being survived.

— Getting the Last Word

Dear Last Word: Sometimes a little petty can be a lot of fun, but bullies and abusers have a way of wheedling their way back into our consciousness, and that can turn a petty party into torture.

You want your previous employer to acknowledge the terrible way he treated you and the value that you have as a person and as an employee. He’s not going to do that, and it will taint the joy that your evaluation gives you.

You escaped this toxic work environment. Don’t buy a return ticket, even for a victory lap. Frame your evaluation as a reminder that you had the ability and the strength to write a new chapter.