Halloween is always a toss-up in Texas: Either it’s too cold for the sexy rodeo-clown getup you were planning, or you find yourself sweating through a cow-print onesie—again.
What isn’t a toss-up is that the best costumes—the ones that get the greatest giggles and the most knowing nods—are those that reference whatever inane or insane pop culture phenomena happened over the previous year. (Just ask the Texas Monthly intern who once showed up as Ted Cruz en route to Cancún back in 2021.) While there are sure to be plenty of Pink Pony Club hangers-on and Moo Deng mash-ups, over here in Texas, we’re brainstorming all of the local headlines that lend themselves to cute, spooky, gory, and silly Halloween ’fits.
Should you go through with these or any other Texas-themed costumes, be sure to alert us on X or Instagram or via email at [email-hidden].
For Maximum Bling: Simone Biles and Her Olympic Medals
If your Halloween costume must incorporate sparkles, we suggest a shiny leotard for Simone Biles cosplay. Of course, the pile of gold hardware—we recommend wearing as many medals as your neck can handle—will also add some shimmer. The getup will be even more impressive if you can actually do a backflip, but we’ll settle for a cartwheel. For a final touch: Don an icy GOAT necklace, like the one Biles wore in Paris.
For Couples: Bella Hadid and Adan Banuelos
Distinguish yourself from the hordes of cowboys and cowgirls expected this Halloween by dressing as the real deal: horse-riding and cutting couple Bella Hadid and Adan Banuelos. For Hadid, look hot in leathers and denim. For Banuelos, wear chaps and fawn over your Hadid all night. Matching black hats, and true love, are required.
For the Half-Hearted Dresser-Upper: Leatherface
Going as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre‘s Leatherface gets at the real heart of the holiday and can be accomplished with a mask that’s almost certainly available at your local Spirit Halloween. Though forever Halloween relevant, the costume is especially on point this year, as the famous film celebrates its fiftieth birthday this month. Rev, rev.
For the Attention-Seeking: Glen Powell in Twisters
It’s as easy as a (soaked) white tee, denim jeans, and a cowboy hat. But you’re gonna need defined pecs for this one. If they’re not naturally occurring, you can always insta-bulk with molded foam muscles, like seven-year-olds do with their superhero onesies. Winning smile also not included.
For Folks With Range: Glen Powell in Any Number of Disguises From Hit Man
Take your pick: You could be nerdy Gary Johnson Glen, hot lover Ron Glen, redneck Tanner Glen, or foreign national Nico Glen. You could always also opt for the real Glen in his truest form, as an acting phenom and internet boyfriend.
For the Karaoke Queen: Beyoncé as Cowboy Carter
We predict that Bey’s album-cover look will be one of the more popular Texan costumes to hit the scene this year. If you don’t have Beyoncé’s exact onesie-and-chaps ’fit, an amalgamation of red, white, and blue pieces, plus a white cowboy hat, should work in a pinch. The crucial accessory will be the iconic sash, helpfully reading “Cowboy Carter.”
To Spook Sports Fans: The Ted Cruz Curse
For die-hard Cowboys, Longhorns, or Rockets fans, an arbitrary loss is super scary. To really get your buddies’ hearts racing, then, you simply need to go as Ted Cruz, rooting and tooting for your friends’ favorite teams. Or maybe you dress as your least favorite team to ensure a loss? Up to you.
For the Judgy Friend: Kelli Finglass (or any Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader)
Those who can’t do, judge. If you’re going to make comments about everyone’s outfits anyway, you might as well go as legendary Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders director Kelli Finglass, subtly judging everybody else’s costumes just as Finglass does her dancers. Or, even if you still haven’t learned the Thunderstruck routine, take this chance to wave pom-poms and wear the traditional blue-and-white getup of a cheerleader. Just make sure to properly execute the gals’ big barrel curls.
