Listen. I love and believe in positivity. My peppy â90s female artist playlist on Spotify can get me out of the deepest of funks. I can cheer myself up by taking terrible pictures of my face. I believe wholeheartedly that the positive things we say about ourselves and others take root in a very real and meaningful way.
But toxic positivity is a different story. Toxic positivity demands that we ignore, suppress, or deny negative or critical emotions, and it is often a precursor to manipulation, overwhelm, and even in some cases even abuse.
Unfortunately, even the most well-meaning teachers and school leaders can promote toxic positivity. While many of these phrases seem innocent (and can be, with correct usage), they often suggest that the only appropriate response is compliance.
âWeâre a familyâ
Iâll start with what I think is the trickiest one. Sometimes this phrase is used in a healthy way as genuine encouragement or a friendly reminder of the supportiveness of the school culture. I still think of my last school as a family.
But sometimes itâs wielded almost as a threat. âWeâre a familyâ can be used to get teachers to commit to unfair or unreasonable workloads and fill in the gaps for poor planning or organization from leadership.
âBecause of the increase in fights on campus, I chose a department at random for after-school duty until the holidays. Sorry, science teachers. Families do hard things together sometimes, and weâre a family.â
I would want out of that family.
âWe do whatâs best for kidsâ or âKids come firstâ
This sentiment is insulting to the professionalism, intelligence, and compassion of teachers. You might as well say, âStop thinking of your own needs.â
Of course we want to do whatâs best for kids! But with a little creativity and planning, whatâs best for kids doesnât have to be at the expense of teachersâ bandwidth.
âLeave your negativity at the doorâ
Iâm wary of any âdonât bring your negativity into this spaceââtype messages. Iâve almost always heard it as, âI donât want to hear any criticism of, pushback to, or challenges to decisions Iâve made.â And thatâs dangerous.
âThatâs a classroom management issueâ or âThatâs a relationship issueâ
But what about when itâs not? Itâs dismissive and naive to claim that any classroom issue can be fixed by a relationship or classroom management. It canât.
âTeamwork makes the dream workâ or âBe a team playerâ
If this phrase were used in private conversations with teachers who arenât carrying their weight, that would be one thing. But often itâs used to get teachers who are already team players to add even more to their workload.
âRemember your âwhyââ
Our âwhyâsââor why we became a teacherâare important, and reflecting on them can be a really good exercise. But itâs really icky to me to weaponize values for compliance, or to assume that if teachers would just remember why they do this job, we wouldnât have any of the huge systemic problems facing our education system. We used to joke at the way this was used by an administrator at one of my former schools.
âFYI everyone: Faculty bathroom is out of both toilet paper and soap now. But remember your why and it should be fine.â
âWhat should I do about Joshua? He threw a chair at the sub.â
âI donât know, remember your why?â
âWeâre all in this togetherâ
Said by thousands of school boards in 2020 announcing that teachers would be back in buildings while they would continue to hold their meetings over Zoom. If you are not literally in this together with me, I donât want to hear it.
âWe donât do this for the moneyâ or âIn it for the outcome, not the incomeâ
Excuse me? Who on earth is in this job for the money?! Also, until we can pay our bills, student loans, and mortgages with âstudent outcomes,â we actually need to be compensated.
The alternative to toxic positivity is not negativity. Itâs honesty. Here are some phrases that can inspire genuine positivity on your campus:
âHere are the things I value about you.â
âI see your hard work.â
âIâm committed to supporting you in whatever way I can.â
âIâm asking this task of you, and hereâs what Iâm offering in return.â
âHereâs what Iâm proposing, but Iâd like your feedback first.â
âI want to recognize some of the amazing collaboration Iâve seen this week.â
âThank you for showing up when itâs hardest.â
We can encourage, uplift, and inspire teachers without being sneaky, making them feel guilty, or pressuring them to give more to a profession that already asks so much.