William Shakespeare was a writer beyond compare, and one of his biggest talents was composing incredibly creative ways to insult people. While we always want to encourage students to be kind to one another, sometimes it’s just plain fun to use Shakespearean insults! This list contains some of his best put-downs, sure to make kids and teens laugh.
Shakespearean Insults for People That Annoy or Anger You
I am sick when I do look on thee.
In Modern Terms: It makes me sick to look at you.
Source: A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 2, scene 1
Sell when you can; you are not for all markets.
In Modern Terms: Take whatever friends you can get, because not everyone is going to like you.
Source: As You Like It, Act 3, scene 5
I’ll beat thee, but I should infect my hands.
In Modern Terms: I’d hit you, but I’d just get my hands dirty.
Source: Timon of Athens, Act 4, scene 3
Thou art a boil, a plague-sore.
In Modern Terms: You’re a thorn in my side, a constant irritation.
Source: King Lear, Act 2, scene 4
Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.
In Modern Terms: Go away! It makes me sick to look at you.
Source: Richard III, Act 1, scene 2
Let’s meet as little as we can.
In Modern Terms: We should try to avoid each other in the future.
Source: As You Like It, Act 3, scene 2
I do desire we may be better strangers.
In Modern Terms: I hope I never see you again.
Source: As You Like It, Act 3, scene 2
I do wish thou wert a dog, that I might love thee something.
In Modern Terms: Too bad you’re not a dog, because then you’d at least be a little bit lovable.
Source: Timon of Athens, Act 4, scene 3
The owner of no one good quality.
In Modern Terms: There’s absolutely nothing good about this person.
Source: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 3, scene 6
You, minion, are too saucy.
In Modern Terms: Don’t talk back to me, servant.
Source: The Two Gentlemen of Verona, Act 1, scene 2
You common cry of curs, whose breath I hate as reek o’ th’ rotten fens.
In Modern Terms: I’m tired of hearing your annoying voices, you low-down dogs.
Source: Coriolanus, Act 3, scene 3
You are not worth another word; else I’d call you knave.
In Modern Terms: I’m not even going to waste my breath calling you a scoundrel.
Source: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 2, scene 3
Away, you mouldy rogue, away!
In Modern Terms: Get out, you disgusting jerk!
Source: Henry IV, Part 2, Act 2, scene 4
Shakespearean Insults for Liars and Cowards
Infinite and endless liar
In Modern Terms: A person who lies nonstop
Source: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 3, scene 6
Hourly promise-breaker
In Modern Terms: One who constantly goes back on their word and never keeps a promise
Source: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 3, scene 6
Lily-liver’d
In Modern Terms: Coward
Source: Macbeth, Act 5, scene 3
I am pigeon-liver’d and lack gall.
In Modern Terms: I’m a coward without any courage.
Source: Hamlet, Act 2, scene 2
He’s a most notable coward.
In Modern Terms: He’s an unbelievable coward.
Source: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 3, scene 6
There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
In Modern Terms: You’re no more loyal than a stewed prune.
Source: Henry IV Part 1, Act 3, scene 3
Foul-spoken coward, that thund’rest with thy tongue, and with thy weapon nothing dar’st perform.
In Modern Terms: You’re all bark and no bite—you talk big but are too scared to follow up with actions.
Source: Titus Andronicus, Act 2, scene 1
Shakespearean Insults To Describe Dimwits
You three-inch fool!
In Modern Terms: You little idiot!
Source: The Taming of the Shrew, Act 4, scene 1
Your abilities are too infant-like for doing much alone.
In Modern Terms: You’re no more capable than a baby.
Source: Coriolanus, Act 2, scene 1
Froward and unable worms.
In Modern Terms: Disobedient, incapable morons
Source: The Taming of the Shrew, Act 5, scene 2
His wit’s as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard.
In Modern Terms: He’s as dumb as a box of rocks.
Source: Henry IV Part 2, Act 2, scene 4
Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.
In Modern Terms: You have as much brain in your head as I do in my elbows.
Source: Troilus and Cressida, Act 2, scene 1
Thou art the cap of all the fools alive.
In Modern Terms: You’re the most foolish person on earth.
Source: Timon of Athens, Act 4, scene 3
More of your conversation would infect my brain.
In Modern Terms: If I keep talking to you, I’ll be sick.
Source: Coriolanus, Act 2, scene 1
His brain, which is as dry as the remainder biscuit after a voyage.
In Modern Terms: He’s as uninteresting and unintelligent as a stale cookie.
Source: As You Like It, Act 2, scene 7
He has not so much brain as earwax.
In Modern Terms: There’s earwax where his brain should be.
Source: Troilus and Cressida, Act 5, scene 1
They have a plentiful lack of wit.
In Modern Terms: They completely lack intelligence.
Source: Hamlet, Act 2, scene 2
She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs.
In Modern Terms: She’s not smart, and even worse, she’s full of flaws.
Source: Two Gentlemen of Verona, Act 3, scene 1
In civility thou seem’st so empty.
In Modern Terms: You have no personality.
Source: As You Like It, Act 2, scene 7
Shakespearean Insults That Are Especially Fun To Say
Scurvy companion
In Modern Terms: Despicable person
Source: Henry IV Part II, Act 2, scene 4
Bolting-hutch of beastliness
In Modern Terms: Big barrel of nastiness
Source: Henry IV Part 1, Act 2, scene 4
Gray iniquity
In Modern Terms: Old sinner
Source: Henry IV Part 1, Act 2, scene 4
Thou cream-faced loon
In Modern Terms: You pale peasant
Source: Macbeth, Act 5, scene 3
Clay-brained guts
In Modern Terms: Stupid idiot
Source: Henry IV Part 1, Act 2, scene 4
Knotty-pated fool
In Modern Terms: Idiotic blockhead
Source: Henry IV Part 1, Act 2, scene 4
Rampallian
In Modern Terms: Good-for-nothing scoundrel
Source: Henry IV Part 2, Act 2, scene 1
Fustilarian
In Modern Terms: Big, clumsy oaf (more info)
Source: Henry IV Part 2, Act 2, scene 1
Crusty batch of nature
In Modern Terms: Disgusting mess of a person
Source: Troilus and Cressida, Act 5, scene 1
This leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch!
In Modern Terms: This badly dressed nobody! (Literally: This leather-jacketed, fake-diamond buttoned, thick-headed, brown-stockinged, fancy-ringed, cheap garter-wearing Spanish wine seller!)
Source: Henry IV Part 1, Act 2, scene 4
More Fantastic Shakespearean Insults
I’ll tickle your catastrophe.
In Modern Terms: I’ll kick your butt!
Source: Henry IV Part 2, Act 2, scene 1
You are as a candle, the better part burnt out.
In Modern Terms: Your best days are behind you.
Source: Henry IV Part 2, Act 1, scene 2
The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril
In Modern Terms: The most disgusting thing that anyone ever smelled
Source: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, scene 5
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.
In Modern Terms: His stern expression scares everyone around him.
Source: Coriolanus, Act 5, scene 4
Whose face is not worth sun-burning.
In Modern Terms: A very ugly person
Source: Henry V, Act 5, scene 2
Whose tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.
In Modern Terms: A person who tells malicious lies
Source: Cymbeline, Act 3, scene 4
Would thou wouldst burst!
In Modern Terms: I wish you’d just die!
Source: Timon of Athens, Act 4, scene 3
Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!
In Modern Terms: You’re not even worth spitting on.
Source: Timon of Athens, Act 4, scene 3
You kiss by th’ book.
In Modern Terms: You kiss like you read a manual on the subject. (Note: Some interpret this as a compliment, as in “You kiss just like the hero of a romance.”)
Source: Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, scene 5
You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness.
In Modern Terms: You look so angry and sad.
Source: Much Ado About Nothing, Act 5, scene 4
I will bite my thumb at them.
In Modern Terms: I’m giving them the finger.
Source: Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, scene 1
That kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starvèd snake.
In Modern Terms: That kiss was cold and impersonal.
Source: Titus Andronicus, Act 3, scene 1
Young fry of treachery!
In Modern Terms: You disloyal child!
Source: Macbeth, Act 4, scene 2
Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade.
In Modern Terms: You didn’t make an innocent mistake; you always do terrible things like this.
Source: Measure for Measure, Act 3, scene 1
A southwest blow on you and blister you all o’er.
In Modern Terms: I hope a cold wind tears you apart.
Source: The Tempest, Act 1, scene 2
Thou art a general offense.
In Modern Terms: You’re just a terrible person.
Source: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 2, scene 3
There’s small choice in rotten apples.
In Modern Terms: There’s no good choice when all the options are bad.
Source: The Taming of the Shrew, Act 1, scene 1
What, you egg?
In Modern Terms: What did you say, you immature child?
Source: Macbeth, Act 4, scene 2
